I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
