So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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