Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
soo... how was my night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
