The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
