so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
