You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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