sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
