About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
