I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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