alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
