You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
