Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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