Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
