Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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