Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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