I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
