i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
