I'm so fucking centered right now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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