I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
