So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why do cheetos always look like penises
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
