he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
