Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
