I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
