i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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