If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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