Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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