The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
