Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
