Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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