Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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