it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Vodka?
Forever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
