PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
