hotel room ftw
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
