I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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