his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
