you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
