Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I had your ass I would rule the world
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
