hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
