batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
