I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
