and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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