my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
