based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
