problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
