what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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