So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
this hospital has no fireball
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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