So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
