i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
