Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
