Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
