I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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